Desperation...Do you ever feel it? I think everyone has from time to time. Sometimes we're desperate for a yummy piece of chocolate...sometimes we're desperate for a job...we might be desperate for the attention of a spouse. People express desperation in all kinds of moments...all kinds of situations.
As I sit here this afternoon...rain pounding on the windshield of my car...I ask...Am I desperate for Christ. Desperation is that feeling that overwhelms us to the point of doing whatever we need to do to have the object of our desperation.
I am really good at giving Jesus pieces of my heart. You can have this part, but I'm not so sure about this part over here. It's amazing how I may be desperate for healing...desperate for a touch...desperate for something to change in relationship to those other pieces of my heart, but my level of desperation isn't as intense towards the healer as it is towards the brokenness. I can stress over the situation...desperately seeking the answers and yet not desperate pursuing the giver of the answers. It's a paradox.
Whenever I put a puzzle together with my kids, it drives me crazy when there's a piece missing. If a piece is missing you never get the full picture. The puzzle isn't complete and will never be complete without those missing pieces. How many times do we desperately search for those missing pieces in our own lives only to find that we were the ones hiding them...Why? Because we are desperate in our brokenness but not desperate for the one that knows where those pieces go and has the power to reshape them if need be. So we hide the pieces...thinking they're lost...pretending they're lost and living desperate with no destination.
WHY? Because we don't live desperate for the author and perfector of our faith. We say we're going to spend more time...We say we're going to dig deeper...We say that we're going be obedient...and then...
Maybe I should change the we to I, but I wager there are some others who fall into the same category. We give pieces to God and live desperate in life...instead of giving it all to God and living desperate for Him. I don't know if I write this as an encouragement as much as I write this in light of the truth of my own heart at times.
I have moments of giving my all...but I'm tired of being so fragmented. I spoke with a young man at RLT this last Tuesday who was hurting. In fact, he was desperate. He told me he knows he lives in the gray but he’s still better then other people so that should count for something...he couldn't understand why his life was so desperate.
All I could tell Him over and over again is that God wants all of you. He wants you to be desperate for Him. As I was telling him that i realized that I was telling myself that as well.
My prayer is simple...maybe you would pray it with me...'LORD - Please have all of me.' Imagine what happens when he does...
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